


Purpose

by Epi_girl



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, i love these disaster boys, rated teen for cursing, there's some yelling though so be careful, this is self indulgent and very Merle centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 08:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13520337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epi_girl/pseuds/Epi_girl
Summary: Merle doesn't mean anything to anyone, until he does.





	Purpose

Taako represses his feelings, his issues, the things he's been through, and how much he cares about people. He refuses to show vulnerability, he's terrified of poison, and even if he knows better, he blames himself for the death of 40 people.

Merle knows this. He knows about Glamour Springs, he knows about the life Taako spent alone on the road, he knows that no matter how mean, how cold he might be, the elf really cares about the people close to him. He knows this, and he is careful with it, because Taako is fragile and scared, and one wrong move could clam him back up again, and Merle won't let that stand. Not when he's just begun to understand the wizard better.

Magnus is reckless and volatile, reluctant to care about himself and willing to sacrifice too much too easily. He is angry and sad and broken, but puts on a rough-and-tumble facade because he thinks that's all he'll ever be to people, and why try to fight that? He is overprotective and takes too many hits for the sake of others, and uses love to justify the self destructive habits he's built for himself.

Merle knows this, this and more. He knows about Governor Kalen, the bastard, he knows about Julia, who deserved so much better, he knows about Ravens Roost and carpentry and the fights too numerous to count. He knows how many walls Magnus has put up, no matter how open he might seem. He knows this, and he is cautious, reluctant to ask more questions because these things hurt Magnus, they so clearly do. And though he wants to know more, he keeps his mouth shut and listens, because he is support, no matter how shitty it might be.

Merle is useless, if he's not providing help or healing or making a bad joke to lighten the mood, or at least turn the heat towards him. He is used to being berated for being stupid, annoying, pointless, bad at his job, because he deserves it, and they're right. Taako, with his barbed words that hide compassion, and Magnus, with his willingness to die for others, Merle is their outlet, their therapist, their punching bag on especially bad days. He is accustomed to the yelling, so similar to the way Hecuba used to sound, the way his parents used to sound, even the pastor, how he used to sound. It is his responsibility, as a cleric, to be support and nothing more, a background player while people like Taako and Magnus take the spotlight and he fades away, unseen and uncared about, useful only when he's doing something for other people.

(He's not exactly social.)

It's funny to him sometimes, that people fuss over Taako and his trauma, Magnus and his fears, Lucretia and her isolation, and ignore him, because even if it makes sense why no one cares about him, nobody ever seems to see that he is always there, listening to them or taking the brunt of their fury or sadness, or even just sitting in silence, a pointless presence but a presence nonetheless.

He listens and cares and ignores the buildup of feelings that he shouldn't have, (he is a pawn for others and pawns aren't supposed to feel) takes hurtful comments and scathing words with a well placed laugh or solemn silence. They don't see him upset. They don't see him angry. They don't see him as anything more than their support system and their fallback plan if they need to be mean to someone.

Until they do.

It's a common enough occurrence when he cracks, something that happens all the time.

"Shut up, old man. You're a shitty cleric anyway, you don't get to pretend like you actually helped."

And he breaks.

It's subtle, it's quiet, it's soft and not meant to be heard, but he says "I know."

And Magnus stops dead in his tracks as blood trickles down Merle's foreheads from a wound he doesn't have the slots to heal, and there is something in those large brown eyes that the dwarf hasn't seen directed towards him in years.

Magnus is concerned.

And he turns to Taako and the elf looks shocked, and it hits him that he's never responded with anything so open or clear and he laughs to break the strange tension in the air because this is funny! He's useless and it's funny! They should be laughing, laughing at how pointless he is like they always do.

But they don't.

And he stops laughing and the tension is worse, and he feels small, so small, so stupid. They were never supposed to see.

And then Merle pushes past Taako and moves forward, more blood streaming down his forehead, and they start to move again, and the moment seems to be forgotten.

Thank god.

Except it's not forgotten. Because of course it isn't, Merle can never catch a break.

The comments from Taako that he's so used to by now start to decrease in number, the sharpness of the words dulling down in the ones he does make. Magnus seems more and more reluctant to say anything remotely rude to him. It all feels wrong, like they're walking on eggshells around him, because they don't confide in him as much anymore and finally--

"What the fuck is wrong with you two! I'm fine, you can stop pussyfooting around me like I'm some fucking doll!"

Magnus jumps a little on the couch and Taako drops his spoon, the wood clattering against the tiled floor of the kitchen, and they both turn to look at him, arms crossed in the middle of the 'living room' with anger written all over his face.

(He isn't angry at them. Just upset that they don't trust him anymore.)

"I mean seriously! Where the hell did the teasing go, huh? The banter? Why are you trying so hard to be nice when I know you hate me?" He laughs bitterly, gesturing wildly at the two of them. "You don't give a shit about me and that's fine! But don't try to act like you care about my stupid 'feelings' when you clearly don't!"

He's breathing heavily now, eyebrows furrowed, less angry and more... tired. "So you can just go back to how things were before. I'm. Fine."

He stares at his companions, frowning more and more as the seconds pass and there's no response, just vacant eyes and silence. Merle scoffs. "Nothing to say, huh? Cat got your-"

He's cut off by strong arms being wrapped around him at a very high speed, almost knocking the wind out of his body as Magnus collides with him, rushing forward from his seat on the couch and enveloping him in tight a hug, sobbing softly, holding Merle close to his chest.

"Don't you ever, EVER say that again, goddamnit!" He sniffles. "You mean so much to me- us- and you're not allowed to say things like that!"

Merle's stunned and can't really breathe and he sputters for a minute, his mouth opening and closing as he stares up at nothing, unable to really process what the hell is happening right now. "Wait, wh-what?"

He hears the clicking of Taako's heels before he even sees the elf, and then there's his arms, slimmer than Magnus', wrapped loosely around him as tears start to soak into his shirt from the emotional human leaning against his shoulder. "We don't... actually hate you, old man. You know that, right?" He looks frightened for a second. "....Right?"

The sad thing is no. No, he didn't.

And it seems like they pick up on what he's thinking. Magnus starts to cry harder as Taako looks guilty and glances away, biting his lip.

"W-well... we don't, okay? Fuck, you matter, Merle!" The elf bites out, tears welling in his eyes. And Magnus hears the quiver in his friends voice and pulls Taako into the hug, the tree of them pressed together now in relative silence. It's strange, really. He's not on the receiving end of hugs very often.

The three of them stay like that for a while, holding each other close as they let tears spill over, muttering confirmations to each other that they really do matter. There's an openness that wasn't there before and it's like a breath of fresh air to Merle.

Things aren't perfect, and he doubts they ever will be but... for now? This is enough for him. The fact that there's a genuine love for one another within their little disaster of a group. The fact that he matters to them, at least a little bit. This is enough.

  
Merle's always been one for simple pleasures, anyway.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaa this isn't that good but it was fun to write tbh
> 
> Hope you enjoyed???


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